“Do you love me?”
“I used to…”
“No, I’m asking you now…do you love me?”
(Silent)
And I don’t have any particular reason to fall for him, loving him. Sometimes in life, even after everything has been planned and organized, things still could turn out wrong. Even after we have analyzed the good and bad, pros and cons of a circumstance, we still could face failure or deadlock. Simple to say, as it’s fated and happened for a good reason, we should try to accept all.
It’s my destiny. My future carries a lot of unsolved matters and those past behind has now become the shadows in my present and frustrating journey. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn’t make up my mind and work positively to achieve my ambition. Why am I weakened by those killing memories as I should have been more mature to run my life as an adult? Why and why? I keep asking myself for no reasonable answers.
I have a mate who I turn to most as if problems occurring. He suggests that I should mix around with people, have a hang-out group and busying myself with workloads and activities in helping myself to get over every pissed moments. But I insisted not to. I know what I need the most instead. I need me, myself. I need to understand my passion, need to find my own soul and love, need to appreciate everything bestowed to me as a special gift in my life. I need myself more than every other thing. And what I’m supposed to do is to love myself, appreciate myself; before others. Others can wait.
Getting back to ‘falling’ thingy, I don’t choose to fall for him. It happened suddenly. To be frank, I didn’t like him the first time we used to meet so I don’t consider it as ‘love at first sight’. Until now, my love for him is very deeply; unconditional. I don’t love him for what he’s going to be soon or how people will laugh at us, but I just want to be loved, loved by him. Even for a short moment.
As he’s gone away and I’m moving on, this love will remain as a beautiful thing that has ever happened in my journey of life. And I have brought along my only promise…
“I will always love you dear…forever…”
